Out Of Touch – Just Rambling

How often do you call your friends or family?  What do you talk about?  I don’t  call my friends very frequently, which I think makes me a bad friend or at least my wife thinks so.

She constantly tells me that I need to call so and so, but do I have to?  I know that the answer is yes, but why don’t I?

I suffer from significant anxiety and talking on the phone is difficult. and the moments that leads up to the call spirals out of control for me.  I know that once we get talking everything will be fine, but it is that moment just before I pick up the phone and dial that creates the internal pressure.

I get the same way when people call me.  I don’t like the awkward pauses or how to end the call.  During the call my brain  tells me that I need to think about the next thing to talk about, or am I talking to much about me.What do I do to break the uncomfortable silence we run out of things to chat about.

I think that this is why I am OK to recede into the dark corners of text messaging.  There are no repetitious sequences of “OK Bye”, “OK Bye, Talk to you Later”, “OK Later” that must be stopped by one of the parties.

One of the things I think hurts me is that I compartmentalize the last time I spoke with a friend or family. I hold on to that memory and we stay connected in my mind.  When we finally connect, it is like I we had interacted more recently than they know.

I have two friends that are very dear to me, Chris and Sara.  I haven’t talked to Sara in probably five years, but for me it was just yesterday that we were on the phone talking about my wife being pregnant with my son.  Chris on the other hand calls me about once a year and I think we are OK with it.

I regret that I don’t keep in touch the way I think a normal person would, but it is not that simple for me.  I am the same way with my brother and sister, which is sad!  The only person that I talk to on a semi-frequent basis is my dad.  I think it is easy to talk to him because he loves me the way that I am (hope so, he has been there for 38 years :)).

I do think that I am not the best friend or brother that I can be, but it is time that I suck it up and get over it.  I will make some much overdue phone calls this week!  I hope that you do not take contact with the important people in your lives for granted.  They don’t live in your head.  Living in the memories is not healthy.  Human contact is needed.  Cheers…